Everything my Dad did when I was younger prepared me to be the man I am today. Although it wasn't until after he died that I decided to implement what he taught me.
It turns out that I was raped at 4 years old & I never knew why my life was so screwed up, until I finally woke up & figured it out at around 40 years old when old memories started making sense in a new way. Sadly, therapy has yet to yield any progress on this front.
I was a nerdy, introverted kid. More into taking things apart & building electronics kits than playing sports or doing more normal kid stuff. Though I was a Cub/Boy Scout and rode my mountain bike everywhere. I got really into backpacking and biking- did several 10-day treks. I was at my fittest in my mid-teens.
If I could live my life over again knowing what I know now I would never have started drinking. Every time there's ever been serious trouble in life, it's been that I've been influenced by something outside of my own accord.
When I lived in Denver in my 20's I went to the Zen Center and learned how to meditate the right way, and this later paid dividends in my life. I now only have to meditate for a short period of time to drop into the 'good' part of meditation which used to only occur after close to an hour after regular practice.
I feel like now on the outside I'm still that younger self where everything's so screwed up but deep down I'm a totally different person. Everything's been so screwed up for so long I'm unable to manifest my true self.
As of late I've taken it upon myself to try to actualize what I want for my future and start all these projects, and god willing, see if I can get any of them off the ground.
Today's now is a good chapter in the book of my life. With continued luck & blessings it'll stay that way. And so it is. And so it was. And so it will be.
