The Bartels Company
bartels.companyBartels Company is the top-level corporate landing page and entry portal for all ventures operating under the Bartels umbrella. It is intentionally minimal — a clean splash page that serves as the canonical front door for the brand.
The page is authored by Christopher D. Bartels and is only searchable by Kagi & Google, keeping it out of most search engine indexes by design.
- ✦ Central hub linking all Bartels-operated properties
- ✦ Hosts public GPG key for cryptographic identity
- ✦ Canary page for warrant-canary transparency
- ✦ Terms of Service & Privacy Policy
Cislunar Online
cislunar.onlineCislunar Online is a hardware startup founded by Christopher D. Bartels, built around a single ambitious flagship product: Where Aware™ — a thermoelectrically-powered, implantable GPS tracker engineered for permanent installation.
The device is designed to be installed above the oral palate in a minimally invasive procedure, drawing power from the body's own thermal gradient.
- ✦ Implantable GPS tracker — 100+ year design lifespan
- ✦ Thermoelectric power — no batteries, no charging
- ✦ Markets: anti-trafficking, child safety, defense
- ✦ Pre-seed stage — actively seeking investment
Creekside Creative
creeksidecreative.usCreekside Creative is a proposed pre-incubator apartment community concept targeting bootstrapping startup founders. The vision is to convert the historic Cornell Steamboat Company Building into a live-work campus.
The plan calls for five furnished four-bedroom apartments offered at below-market rents to reduce financial pressure on founders in their earliest stages.
- ✦ Target: Cornell Steamboat Building, Kingston, NY
- ✦ 5 × 2,000 sq ft furnished apartments
- ✦ 9,000 sq ft hackerspace / prototyping lab
- ✦ Actively seeking real estate investors
Funky Salamander AI
funkysalamander.comFunky Salamander AI is a kid-friendly AI chat interface designed to give young children a safe, colorful, zero-stress environment to ask questions and explore their curiosity.
Inspired by Saturday morning cartoons, it offers a fresh, anonymous session every time with zero data collection, no cookies, and no tracking.
- ✦ Kid-safe AI chat — cartoon-inspired tone
- ✦ Zero data collection — no cookies, no tracking
- ✦ Simple UI: text input + "Ask!" button
- ✦ Educational focus for "little explorers"
Sub Sonic Software
subsonicsoftware.comSub Sonic Software is the software counterpart to Cislunar Online's hardware platform, developing the core Where Aware™ application and API.
The platform is engineered for enterprise-grade reliability, scaling from consumer use to large-scale government and defense deployments.
- ✦ Core app & API for Where Aware™ platform
- ✦ 3× redundant communication channels
- ✦ 99.9% uptime SLA target
- ✦ Verticals: enterprise, safety, logistics, defense
Nocturnal Feast
nocturnalfeast.comNocturnal Feast is a domain property currently held in reserve. We haven't yet decided what this property will become — the possibilities are wide open.
If you have an idea or a concept for what nocturnalfeast.com should be, we'd genuinely love to hear it.
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